WHAT MIKE SAW

What Mike Saw #13: August 24, 2010

As hard as I try to stay away from the place as much as I can (for my liver’s sake), Las Vegas always seems to be calling my name.  I have no idea how I always end up there, but I do.  Going to Las Vegas to me is like going to the DMV, or getting a TOOTH BRUSH for Halloween.  It’s kind of unbearable (for my liver).  But as long as friends decide to have birthdays there, or throw there once in a life time BACHELOR parties there, or decided that they want to get MARRIED there, I have no choice but to summon the courage, and take part of the madness that always transpires.  I guess I’m just getting old.

But the best thing about going to Vegas is the in between towns from Victorville to Stateline.  In between there you’ve got Barstow, Yermo, Zyzxx, Baker, Calico, and such.  These places are really special.  I suggest on any Vegas drive that you take a few extra hours on your road trip to visit these hidden gems because you will meet some of the most interesting, eccentric, people in California.

This episode of What Mike Saw is pretty cool.  It features my surprise birthday party, which was carefully orchestrated by my best friends in the world. When I’m 80 years old, I will look back on this video and feel blessed that I had so many wonderful and inspirational people around me.

http://www.vimeo.com/14416552

(YOU MAY TURN OFF HD IF INTERNET CONNECTION IS SLOW)

What Mike Saw #4: September 24, 2006

Double features are not very common anymore.  The price of the average movie ticket cost more than 10 ARBY’S BURGERS.  I saw a great film a few weeks ago called EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP, which is a film by British street artist Banksy.  You want to know how much two movie tickets cost me?  Thirty-two dollars and that is without all the nasty overpriced food they sell inside.  I understand that cinema establishments must price everything accordingly in order to maintain a steady profit, but why opt for this on a beautiful summer evening, when you have many viable options?

Just go through your local paper and look up what cool movie specials are attached to the smaller local theaters.  We have several theaters in the LA area that show double features usually based around a common theme.  For instance, you can catch a double feature at the New Beverly Cinema of  GLITTER and CROSSROADS with the theme being “Trannies who can act”.

The older these WHAT MIKE SAW videos are, the more embarrassed I am to watch.  These older videos are beginning to look unbelievably ancient in the way that styles change, haircuts are SASSIER, and certain friends are AWOL.  I’m just happy that I don’t live like this anymore.  It’s pretty exhausting.

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What Mike Saw #12: July 14, 2010

Miami is one of the biggest hustle and bustle cities in America.  Some of the hardest working people come out of Miami and their hard work SHOWS.  Miami is one of the most appealing American cities to live in because of its sunny tropical climate, no state taxes, and an innovative FASHION sense.  Plus, Miami is also known for its beautiful architecture, successful sports FRANCHISES, and some of the BEST FILMS of all time.  That is why big things are about to go down in the city of Miami this summer.

If you are a sports fan, be prepared for the basketball world to be turned upside down.  You will either love it or hate it because it looks like DWYANE WADE was able to orchestrate one of the biggest free agency moves in NBA history.  His free agent SUMMIT were able to keep him in Miami, while acquiring Chris Bosh and LEBRON JAMES.  This is just crazy!  Plus they signed Mike Miller. Yay!  Good job on them for creating the second best team in the NBA.

In addition, one of the most successful and entertaining circus’s is coming to the city.  The Jersey Shore cast shot their next season in Miami.  I can’t wait to see how many ab competitions THE SITUATION will win this summer.

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What Mike Saw #7: November 20, 2006

You get that feeling when you read a story you wrote 2 years ago and can’t believe you actually submitted it to a teacher. Reading it to yourself is so embarrassing and awful.  That feeling you get when you take another listen to  the song you created with the very first BAND you were in.  It sounds like a poorer version of CREED.  Or that feeling you get when you blow the dust off some old photographs and cringe at the unsightly PANTS you used to wear to school.  I at one time in my life have felt all of these feelings.  And as PAUL THOMAS ANDERSON wrote in one of my favorite films of all time, Magnolia, “We may be through with the past, but the past ain’t through with us.”  Ain’t that the truth?  Because no matter how much I wanted to bury those old rave photos of me and my friends (mostly just me), I conveniently forgot that I originally made doubles and the same set is lying in a friend’s drawer somewhere bound to surface again at the most inconvenient time.  So what better way to defeat fate than by beating it to the punch?

I’m beginning to post some of the older clips of What Mike Saw, which will inevitably count down to the first episode I ever made.  These are going back to 2006 when we lived in a different time so that means embarrassing moments, embarrassing dance movies, embarrassing hair.  I look like a Filipino IAN BROWN in this.  But it’s okay because I enjoy uncomfortable situations.

This clip #7 isn’t quite to that level of embarrassment, yet, but features some shenanigans and a few celebrities.  Most of them are B-rate (Tom Green) but none the less, nice to look at.  And make fun of.

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What Mike Saw #11: November 27, 2009

I honestly can’t stand cops. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt knowing that our communities need police enforcement but time and time again, you hear a story of some cop with a name like “Hawkins” or “Gutierrez” with a blatant display of abusing power. Since my skateboarding days when I was a prepubescent HUNK, cops would always hassle us. Rarely have I ever seen a cop protect and serve the public. All they are good for is to feed into their own egos and do each other’s HAIR to look cool. In fairness, there have been times when I’ve witnessed police assist people stuck on the side of the road (excluding me) and there were a few cops who let my friends and I off with a warning while skating Walnut High School (home of the MUSTANGS). But they are definitely overshadowed by policeman who really don’t care about your safety, and care more about their quotas.

Now due to the state’s budget crisis with an economy going to HELL, you probably noticed more and more cops on the roads along with those cute ticket OFFICERS cruising around marking everybodys’ tires. More enforcements on the streets aren’t because of rising crime rates but rather to make money off citizens like you and I for petty infractions like jaywalking or bumping Reggaeton music from our cars. Okay fine if you break the law, but the city is willing to extract every last penny they possibly can out of that one violation. A few weeks ago, I got ticketed for parking at a meter after 4PM, which is rush hour time. Actually I deserved that ticket because I too hate it when people use up valuable lane space while I’m trying to rush home to catch the tail end of FAMILY MATTERS. But then here comes the tow truck out of nowhere to take my car to the impound lot. The meter maid was a total prick. But I got the tower to let my car go, but for 200 bones. I asked him, “Hey, you guys are doing this because the city is broke, right?” He just responded with a slight shake of the head yes. That was the most expensive Subway sandwich I have ever bought.

I expect predators to come out of large banks and corporations to squeeze money out of people, but it makes me feel ill to see the same practices coming from our government.

This “What Mike Saw” is dedicated to everyone who has received a ticket for something really crappy. In this episode, you will see a glimpse of how I managed to magically turn a $50 texting ticket, into a $900 headache. I don’t think I will ever talk shite to a cop again. Fucking assholes. Plus this episode has its share of trouble, throw-up, Hollywood parties, boobs, skating, and so on.

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How NOT To Eat A Balut

Before a single follicle on your upper lip can be considered a MUSTACHE, before the cracks in your rough and scratchy voice can be sealed, and before those hairs on your nipple are considered legit, you must become a man. There comes a time in every boy’s life when he must make a major decision. This decision makes up whether or not this boy will stay a boy, or move on to the next level. But the task at hand varies from culture to culture, which legitimizes ones entry into manhood. The Jews celebrate a boy’s bar mitzvah for his transition. In Ethiopia, boys walk on top of cows’ backs naked for their transition. And here in America, every boy must know how to rewire their cable boxes to get free SPICE before they make the jump into manhood.

In the Philippines, I’m not exactly sure what path one must take in order to be free from boyhood. But I may have created a great method of creating men out of boys. I wouldn’t necessarily call the BALUT a delicacy. It’s practically street food since you can get it at any random street corner in the Philippines. And if you’re like me who prefers the street version of anything (tacos, ghetto dogs, cotton candy) then you are sure to love the balut. You may even consider it tastier than sunny side up. And more fun to eat as well.

Most people are unfamiliar with the balut. It’s basically a duck egg only a couple of weeks old. Give that thing a few more days and the bird would crack out of its shell. But the incubation process is shorted by which the balut is created. So when the shell is opened, you essentially see a bird that was almost ready to burst open to hatch.

Last year, I thought it would be fun to bring a couple of baluts to my friend’s house who was hosting the PACQUIAO/DE LA HOYA fight. In honor of Pac-Man, three people were up for the feast. Little did I know that when I bought the eggs from my neighborhood Filipino store Seafood City, they had to be boiled first. I literally thought you could pick up the eggs off the shelf and eat it right then and there. In the video below, you will literally see the evolution into manhood right before your very eyes. Not to mention the defeat of salmonella or any other egg infested disease that could have been acquired. If you ever see a balut as shown in the video below, know that it is NOT supposed to look like that. These guys really could have gotten sick.

This one’s dedicated to Manny. I wish him luck because he’ll need it. Anyone who has been following 24/7 on HBO knows this may be his toughest battle yet. And he needs to stop messing around with corrupt politicians so that he can focus on fighting.

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Only 55 More Days Until Christmas!

I’m a WEST COAST BRO so I get to see my share of eccentric, lavish beauty out here. I know that everyone has his or her own definition of what a beauty is and I too have my own definition. But here in Los Angeles, I see many different types of freakish beauty running around town.

Starting in East LA, we’ve got the Cholo. These usually are known as gang bangers but to me, they look really awesome. They tend to wear pretty nice oversized clothes, have shaved heads, their eyebrows look like sperms, and they have mean looking tattoos all over their faces. One thing they can change is their attitude. That particular look would be a lot cooler if they knew how to love one another more than knowing how to hate each other.

Now we’re going to go about 12 miles west to Beverly Hills where the freakishly beautiful are most apparent. These are the people you see on reality TV with oversized lips and plenty of hair plugs. These people know how to transform themselves into an Adonis over time and it’s really great to see someone succumb to the beneficial effects of vanity.

And finally we’ll take a trip all the way out to the ocean. Venice Beach is home to plenty of freaks, or as they like to be called, hippies. But there is a particular type of beauty in Venice that sticks out to me. Sometimes if you’re lucky and get too close, it can stick out right into your mouth. DREAD LOCKS. It takes a special person to not wash their hair over long periods of time allowing bacteria, germs, and kittens to procreate within their head.

Halloween just passed and we always see plenty of awesomeness on Halloween. Everyone loves Halloween. But I love it for a different reason. It marks the end of a long exhaustive summer and is the beginning stages of my favorite holiday: CHRISTMAS. I just love receiving presents, especially if they’re expensive. So the video below is not so much a Halloween video, but homage to my favorite Holiday.

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What Mike Saw #8: December 18, 2006

Just as HUEY LEWIS did with MARTY MCFLY, we’re going “back in time”. We’re going back to a simpler time when it was okay to be passed out drunk in the streets while your friends mock you. Back to a time when it was sanitary to scam on random girls you meet in a crappy bar. Back to a time when sporting a MULLET was okay and you wouldn’t be ridiculed for having one. Fortunately we all had to grow out of that phase of our lives and even though those were great times, we should be glad they’re over.

What Mike Saw #11, which is a more current representation of the times, will be made next week but before we visit the new era, we must take a look back at part of a decade that seems ages ago. For those of you in this, I’m sure that you don’t even remember these particular moments in your lives. But hopefully these memories do come back and hopefully you won’t be too embarrassed by them.

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