WHAT MIKE SAW

What Mike Saw #11

I honestly can’t stand cops. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt knowing that our communities need police enforcement but time and time again, you hear a story of some cop with a name like “Hawkins” or “Gutierrez” with a blatant display of abusing power. Since my skateboarding days when I was a prepubescent HUNK, cops would always hassle us. Rarely have I ever seen a cop protect and serve the public. All they are good for is to feed into their own egos and do each other’s HAIR to look cool. In fairness, there have been times when I’ve witnessed police assist people stuck on the side of the road (excluding me) and there were a few cops who let my friends and I off with a warning while skating Walnut High School (home of the MUSTANGS). But they are definitely overshadowed by policeman who really don’t care about your safety, and care more about their quotas.

Now due to the state’s budget crisis with an economy going to HELL, you probably noticed more and more cops on the roads along with those cute ticket OFFICERS cruising around marking everybodys’ tires. More enforcements on the streets aren’t because of rising crime rates but rather to make money off citizens like you and I for petty infractions like jaywalking or bumping Reggaeton music from our cars. Okay fine if you break the law, but the city is willing to extract every last penny they possibly can out of that one violation. A few weeks ago, I got ticketed for parking at a meter after 4PM, which is rush hour time. Actually I deserved that ticket because I too hate it when people use up valuable lane space while I’m trying to rush home to catch the tail end of FAMILY MATTERS. But then here comes the tow truck out of nowhere to take my car to the impound lot. The meter maid was a total prick. But I got the tower to let my car go, but for 200 bones. I asked him, “Hey, you guys are doing this because the city is broke, right?” He just responded with a slight shake of the head yes. That was the most expensive Subway sandwich I have ever bought.

I expect predators to come out of large banks and corporations to squeeze money out of people, but it makes me feel ill to see the same practices coming from our government.

This “What Mike Saw” is dedicated to everyone who has received a ticket for something really crappy. In this episode, you will see a glimpse of how I managed to magically turn a $50 texting ticket, into a $900 headache. I don’t think I will ever talk shite to a cop again. Fucking assholes. Plus this episode has its share of trouble, throw-up, Hollywood parties, boobs, skating, and so on.

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How NOT To Eat A Balut

Before a single follicle on your upper lip can be considered a MUSTACHE, before the cracks in your rough and scratchy voice can be sealed, and before those hairs on your nipple are considered legit, you must become a man. There comes a time in every boy’s life when he must make a major decision. This decision makes up whether or not this boy will stay a boy, or move on to the next level. But the task at hand varies from culture to culture, which legitimizes ones entry into manhood. The Jews celebrate a boy’s bar mitzvah for his transition. In Ethiopia, boys walk on top of cows’ backs naked for their transition. And here in America, every boy must know how to rewire their cable boxes to get free SPICE before they make the jump into manhood.

In the Philippines, I’m not exactly sure what path one must take in order to be free from boyhood. But I may have created a great method of creating men out of boys. I wouldn’t necessarily call the BALUT a delicacy. It’s practically street food since you can get it at any random street corner in the Philippines. And if you’re like me who prefers the street version of anything (tacos, ghetto dogs, cotton candy) then you are sure to love the balut. You may even consider it tastier than sunny side up. And more fun to eat as well.

Most people are unfamiliar with the balut. It’s basically a duck egg only a couple of weeks old. Give that thing a few more days and the bird would crack out of its shell. But the incubation process is shorted by which the balut is created. So when the shell is opened, you essentially see a bird that was almost ready to burst open to hatch.

Last year, I thought it would be fun to bring a couple of baluts to my friend’s house who was hosting the PACQUIAO/DE LA HOYA fight. In honor of Pac-Man, three people were up for the feast. Little did I know that when I bought the eggs from my neighborhood Filipino store Seafood City, they had to be boiled first. I literally thought you could pick up the eggs off the shelf and eat it right then and there. In the video below, you will literally see the evolution into manhood right before your very eyes. Not to mention the defeat of salmonella or any other egg infested disease that could have been acquired. If you ever see a balut as shown in the video below, know that it is NOT supposed to look like that. These guys really could have gotten sick.

This one’s dedicated to Manny. I wish him luck because he’ll need it. Anyone who has been following 24/7 on HBO knows this may be his toughest battle yet. And he needs to stop messing around with corrupt politicians so that he can focus on fighting.

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Only 55 More Days Until Christmas!

I’m a WEST COAST BRO so I get to see my share of eccentric, lavish beauty out here. I know that everyone has his or her own definition of what a beauty is and I too have my own definition. But here in Los Angeles, I see many different types of freakish beauty running around town.

Starting in East LA, we’ve got the Cholo. These usually are known as gang bangers but to me, they look really awesome. They tend to wear pretty nice oversized clothes, have shaved heads, their eyebrows look like sperms, and they have mean looking tattoos all over their faces. One thing they can change is their attitude. That particular look would be a lot cooler if they knew how to love one another more than knowing how to hate each other.

Now we’re going to go about 12 miles west to Beverly Hills where the freakishly beautiful are most apparent. These are the people you see on reality TV with oversized lips and plenty of hair plugs. These people know how to transform themselves into an Adonis over time and it’s really great to see someone succumb to the beneficial effects of vanity.

And finally we’ll take a trip all the way out to the ocean. Venice Beach is home to plenty of freaks, or as they like to be called, hippies. But there is a particular type of beauty in Venice that sticks out to me. Sometimes if you’re lucky and get too close, it can stick out right into your mouth. DREAD LOCKS. It takes a special person to not wash their hair over long periods of time allowing bacteria, germs, and kittens to procreate within their head.

Halloween just passed and we always see plenty of awesomeness on Halloween. Everyone loves Halloween. But I love it for a different reason. It marks the end of a long exhaustive summer and is the beginning stages of my favorite holiday: CHRISTMAS. I just love receiving presents, especially if they’re expensive. So the video below is not so much a Halloween video, but homage to my favorite Holiday.

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The Birth Of Boyzone

Five years ago, a boy stepped onto an airplane for the very first time in life and as soon as he stepped off, a Tiger was born. A Tiger with the heart of a STALLION. This Tiger felt the hunger most world travelers never experience. Tiger dove straight into the world of an “immersionist”. He wouldn’t eat at the fancy restaurants. He only drank WINE. Not a single word of English was spoken. Just really jacked up Catalan. Esta noche bailamos? Of course. Only the lovely and poetic words of an admirer can truly encapsulate the essence of this Tiger’s beauty.

Dear Pito,

You are a hero imprisoned because of all the new crimes that you are perfecting.
Like millions of your fans around the world, I can’t help quoting you because everything that you said rings true. And now in my cell, well I followed you. And here’s a list of who I slew. Jon Mora - do you know my name ? Oh, don’t say you don’t. Please say you do, oh, oh, oh, you are the last of the famous. International Boyzone!

That’s correct. Boyzone has struck again after a five year hiatus. The small and quaint town of Santorini will never be the same again. But before we follow on Pito’s quest for the Greek Adonis, we must travel back to the beginning when Boyzone first started. This video took place in the summer of 2004. After hanging out in Paris for a week drinking in the streets and harassing a salon owner, Boyzone took a trip to Barcelona. Boyzone in Santorini coming soon

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