WHAT MIKE SAW

What Mike Saw #7: 11.20.06

You get that feeling when you read a story you wrote 2 years ago and can’t believe you actually submitted it to a teacher. Reading it to yourself is so embarrassing and awful.  That feeling you get when you take another listen to  the song you created with the very first BAND you were in.  It sounds like a poorer version of CREED.  Or that feeling you get when you blow the dust off some old photographs and cringe at the unsightly PANTS you used to wear to school.  I at one time in my life have felt all of these feelings.  And as PAUL THOMAS ANDERSON wrote in one of my favorite films of all time, Magnolia, “We may be through with the past, but the past ain’t through with us.”  Ain’t that the truth?  Because no matter how much I wanted to bury those old rave photos of me and my friends (mostly just me), I conveniently forgot that I originally made doubles and the same set is lying in a friend’s drawer somewhere bound to surface again at the most inconvenient time.  So what better way to defeat fate than by beating it to the punch?

I’m beginning to post some of the older clips of What Mike Saw, which will inevitably count down to the first episode I ever made.  These are going back to 2006 when we lived in a different time so that means embarrassing moments, embarrassing dance movies, embarrassing hair.  I look like a Filipino IAN BROWN in this.  But it’s okay because I enjoy uncomfortable situations.

This clip #7 isn’t quite to that level of embarrassment, yet, but features some shenanigans and a few celebrities.  Most of them are B-rate (Tom Green) but none the less, nice to look at.  And make fun of.

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Celebrating The Month Of Nopvember

Growing up in WALNUT, I was surrounded by all types of Asians and ORIENTALS.  I had a Chinese, Indian, and Paki within my group of skater friends alone.  Most of my high school classmates were Chinese and Korean.  If I were in more AP classes, they would all be Asian.  One of my dad’s best friends was Vietnamese and another from Indonesia. I was part of the Halo Halo club, which is a Filipino-American club run by students.  I had also danced in countless DEBUTS.  My favorite restaurants in the city were a Thai place and a Japanese place.  And maybe a Chinese place too if you count Panda Express.

But despite immersing myself into various Asian cultures, I never knew anyone with a Laotian background.  The only thing I knew about Laos was the Laotian family from KING OF THE HILL.  That was until NOP came into my life.  It was a couple years ago while hanging out at my friend CODY’S housewarming party.  Cody introduced me to him saying, “Dude!  You’ve got to meet this guy.  You two would get along so swell!”

Two years later, I’ve got  the equivalent of a doctorate on Laotian culture.  But I can attribute most of that to Nop’s best friend Vinh (also from VA).  Vinh tends to find obscure ARTICLES on the internet about Laos and forwards them to his friends.

Celebrating your birthday is a special time.  Since it comes only once a year, all the focus and attention is on you.  So what better way to celebrate your birth than than by dedicating the entire month to you.  Don’t mind if anyone else has a birthday in the same month.  They can just come along for the ride.  That’s what Nopvember is all about and so is the video below.

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Miss Cebu Beauty Pageant Audition

Every guy enjoys feeling like a stud.  Any boost to our self esteems, especially as we grow OLDER, gives us that extra jolt of much needed TESTOSTERONE.  But once in a while, you might find yourself in an extra ordinary situation that is too good to be true.   A couple of years ago while hanging out at an outdoor bar in Cebu, I found myself in one of those situations.  I almost felt like a George Clooney, or a Matt Damon, or a JUSTIN BIEBER.  I was that manly.  Plus the situation gave me much needed confidence after I got myself a botched $5 haircut.

So here’s what happened.  A few of my friends and I were mesmerized by the magic of a local magician who made rounds to all the people sitting at tables.  He was doing David Blaine type magic tricks.  Even though I’m more of a CRISS ANGEL fan myself, this guy was pretty entertaining.  He even did that one trick that David Blaine does where he pulls thread out of his stomach.  That’s great and all but it just didn’t have the same mystique as Cris Angel’s levitation MASTERPIECE.

Anyways, while being completely enthralled with the Filipino David Blaine, I here a voice call my name in the distance.  ”Mike!”  Knowing that I have a very common name, I didn’t bother to turn my head.  Not with the amazingness going on right in front of me.

Then I here the same voice again, but this time they said, “Hey Mike!  Mike from L.A!”  This time I knew it had to be me they were calling out so I turn my head.  I could hardly believe my eyes.  Before me in the distance were about 5-6 very beautiful, very stacked, Filipina girls dressed quite provocatively.

I walked over to them as cool as the stud I thought I was.  I probably looked more like URKEL, but whatever.  These chicks were calling out my name.  As I get up to them, they all introduce themselves to me.  They were acting like giddy, 16-year-old high school girls.  It  was pretty awesome.

I sat down with the group of them to have a drink.  One by one, they introduce themselves to me.  Where they are from, how old they are, and their occupation.  It was very innocent and friendly.  But and as time goes by and as the drinks go down, they all begin to loosen up.  I mean really loosen up.  As one girl had the courage (for some reason) to show me her breast implants, they all begin to show me their breasts implants.  I couldn’t believe it.  They actually pulled each boob out of their shirt in the middle of this bar as if I’m there to judge them.  I actually felt really ashamed to tell you the truth. I was in so much shock, I didn’t even have the mental capacity to think of pulling out my video camera.  I’m sure they would have loved some camera time.

Then the party really started.  After getting my own personal boob show, they began making me touch their boobs by grabbing my hand and placing it accordingly.  It had to be one of the most surreal moments of my entire life.  One of them even tried to shove my face into her bosom.  That’s when I thought to myself, “Okay, these are definitely prostitutes.  I’m out of here”.  Read the rest of my awesomely bizarre experience after the video below.

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Drug Problems In Mexico

For those kids living in Southern California (I prefer to call it SOCAL), we all grew up during our prepubescent years hearing rumors of a fantasy world where you can drink under the age of 21.  It was a place where lawlessness is common and if you’re lucky, you might be able to catch a DONKEY SHOW.  You can live out all your fantasies in this one incredible place, thought to have existed only in Tommy Lee’s METHODS OF MAYHEM song lyrics.  The next morning, it’s not extra ordinary to wake up in a random hotel room next to a girl named STARLA while the VENGABOYS is bumping in the background.  You stink of Jose Cuervo, which was pumped down your throat by some dude named Luis with a whistle in his mouth.

I personally was never fascinated by these stories.  They sounded horrific to tell you the truth.  It sounded like a really big high school party with no sign of parents anywhere.  But that’s just because I didn’t realize how fun they were until later on.

The footage below is a glimpse of what my friend Adam and I experienced in some random bar in TJ.  This wasn’t one of those bars on REVOLUTION ST. either so that meant not as many tourists.  We were on or way down to Mexico City but decided to stop by TJ to visit some friends first. While the drug problem still runs rampant today, this video took place during the early stages of cracking down on the Mexican drug trade.  This was around the time when dead bodies of Federali’s were popping up everywhere.  Sad thing is, they still are.

The AFI’s would randomly search local bars and clubs by abruptly cutting the music while their dogs sniff out drugs.  And as a word of advice, don’t try to pet the dogs and tell them how cute they are.  The AFI will rough you up just as they did me.

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What Mike Saw #11

I honestly can’t stand cops. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt knowing that our communities need police enforcement but time and time again, you hear a story of some cop with a name like “Hawkins” or “Gutierrez” with a blatant display of abusing power. Since my skateboarding days when I was a prepubescent HUNK, cops would always hassle us. Rarely have I ever seen a cop protect and serve the public. All they are good for is to feed into their own egos and do each other’s HAIR to look cool. In fairness, there have been times when I’ve witnessed police assist people stuck on the side of the road (excluding me) and there were a few cops who let my friends and I off with a warning while skating Walnut High School (home of the MUSTANGS). But they are definitely overshadowed by policeman who really don’t care about your safety, and care more about their quotas.

Now due to the state’s budget crisis with an economy going to HELL, you probably noticed more and more cops on the roads along with those cute ticket OFFICERS cruising around marking everybodys’ tires. More enforcements on the streets aren’t because of rising crime rates but rather to make money off citizens like you and I for petty infractions like jaywalking or bumping Reggaeton music from our cars. Okay fine if you break the law, but the city is willing to extract every last penny they possibly can out of that one violation. A few weeks ago, I got ticketed for parking at a meter after 4PM, which is rush hour time. Actually I deserved that ticket because I too hate it when people use up valuable lane space while I’m trying to rush home to catch the tail end of FAMILY MATTERS. But then here comes the tow truck out of nowhere to take my car to the impound lot. The meter maid was a total prick. But I got the tower to let my car go, but for 200 bones. I asked him, “Hey, you guys are doing this because the city is broke, right?” He just responded with a slight shake of the head yes. That was the most expensive Subway sandwich I have ever bought.

I expect predators to come out of large banks and corporations to squeeze money out of people, but it makes me feel ill to see the same practices coming from our government.

This “What Mike Saw” is dedicated to everyone who has received a ticket for something really crappy. In this episode, you will see a glimpse of how I managed to magically turn a $50 texting ticket, into a $900 headache. I don’t think I will ever talk shite to a cop again. Fucking assholes. Plus this episode has its share of trouble, throw-up, Hollywood parties, boobs, skating, and so on.

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Bromance On A Segway

I don’t understand why Segways aren’t more of a phenomenon than they should be. Back in 2000, I saw a news feature on these innovative machines and I thought to myself, “The future has finally arrived!” I went out and quickly invested my life savings on what I thought was the wave of the future. I was an outspoken advocate for Segways and was out there spreading the word. Instead of walking to the park, why not Segway to the park. Plus you can roll over grass, dirt, and even feces without getting your shoes dirty. BTW, back then I was also a SNEAKER freak. So Segways gave me that advantage of keeping my shoes clean at all times.

Nearly a decade later, I have learned that this is just the beginning. I see Segways everywhere. Airport security, mall COPS, and even MOTHERS can be seen on Segways. It’s a miracle! If it took 10 years to get this far, imagine what 2020 will look like. Segway firefighters? Segway puppies? Segway at the X GAYMES? I like where this is heading.

I may have had a slight hand in the Segway Blowup. Four years ago I created a commercial for Segway as a marketing ploy geared for a certain demographic. It’s a bit French New Wave but I think it makes a statement for today’s working man.

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The Real “The Filipino Channel”

I have finally gotten over my flu that ailed me and kept me bed ridden for about 2 weeks. It was a horrible ordeal and I hope that I never suffer through anything like that again. I felt like I was 10 years old. In that time in bed, I was able catch up on some good MOVIES I had missed and a little bit of television here and there. I suppose that is the single best thing about being sick. But over time, I paid less and less attention to the movies I had rented and couldn’t help but stay fixated on one channel. And by the title of this posting, you should know what I’m talking about: The Filipino Channel, or what is known in most Flip households, TFC.

Obviously you won’t find TFC in most homes because you have to pay anywhere from $10 to $20 a month to get that one channel. But I do notice many Filipino bahays I go to subscribe to it. I have TFC because I use it as a source to learn the national dialect of Tagalog. That and Youtube are my number one language learning tools and I encourage anyone who really wants to learn do the same.

“Hoy! Kumasta pare? Puede bang mag tanong? Saan nag Santa Monica Blvd? Dito? Sige, Salamat pare! Hoy Jun-Jun! Tayo na. Santa Monica Blvd ang direcho.”

See? I doubt the spelling is correct and I know there are some grammatical errors in the transcription above but I just pulled that off the top of my head. Plus that’s coming from a Fil-Am who didn’t have many Filipino friends growing up and English was the primary language spoken in the house. If any Filipino was spoken, it was either Cebuano or Illocano, which are two completely different dialects than Tagalog. I guess you can say I was a confused child. But I can now thank Youtube and TFC for helping me learn.

I have been traveling back and forth to the Philippines a lot lately for a number of reasons. But it was one trip that I took two years ago that created an awakened fascination inside me with the Philippines. What was supposed to be a one-month business trip evolved into a seven-month exploration, examination, and education of my roots and heritage. I witnessed the good, the bad, and the ugly. I experienced everything from the most pristine, untouched beaches, to the ghetto ass, dangerous barangays where I had no business of being. I seriously saw it all.

And this is where I have my problems about TFC. Although TFC is only one channel provided for us Fil-Ams in the states, it is a good representation of the overall media in the Philippines. But, it is not a good representation of the country itself. Because I use it as a learning tool, I spent most of my time just trying to decipher what was being said instead of following any story line. But as time passed, I began to understand the content.

I can sum up most of the television shows in the Philippines with in one word: Garbage. It’s not to say that there is no quality programming because there are many educational, interesting, and hilarious television shows that exist. Unfortunately the overly dramatic and excessively crying soap operas that litter homes of the Filipino people overshadow them. Please please please stop with the crying already! It’s generally understood throughout the country that if a Filipino movie or television show has no crying, it’s not quality. You must cry on cue if you’re a good actor. Sure it’s a great quality to have as an actor, but by doing so every single damn time in almost everything you do completely loses all value. But the worst part of it all is when life imitate art. We don’t need people crying all the time feeling sorry for themselves. And I ‘m afraid that’s exactly what has happened.

There is a very popular show called Wowowee. As far as I’m concerned, that show along with its host WILLIE, is a cancer to the country. The show is essentially a variety/game show with plenty of inappropriate dancing and off key singing performances by Willie. On the surface, it looks like the show is doing something really charitable for the countries poor people because they give away money so freely. Willie gives a show participant the platform to tell their sob story, which is usually followed by tears of sadness. It’s very formulaic and you will never ever ever get through an entire episode of Wowowee without at least two people crying.

In my opinion, the show does exactly what many of the political leaders, especially the corrupt ones, want out of a Filipino show. And that is to dumb down the people. And what happens when you dumb down a significant portion of the population? You stay in control of the people. Ignorance is never bliss. Ignorance only hurts.

A Filipino director named Brilliante Mendoza won the Prix de la Mise en Scene at the 2009 Cannes Film Festival for his film Kinatay. The film is about a man who takes a job for $2000 as a hit man so that he can afford to marry his girlfriend. That kind of story line is a long cry from what the average Filipino is used to seeing. Mendoza was praised and celebrated in the Philippines for bringing such a prestigious award to the country. The tragic part of this is that no movie theater anywhere in the country can show his work or anything he’s done in the past because of its graphic content.

So my objective here is not to bastardize the country I love, but to rather spread truth. There is a lot of beauty within the country but there is also lot that needs to be said about the condition of its people, politics, and identity. On the Real TFC, you will meet true Filipinos with real stories. So I would like to introduce “The Real TFC” with two videos where I started my journey. Boracay is the defining destination for Filipino paradise for many foreigners traveling to the Philippines. I had a great time visiting a close friend who grew up with me and now lives there. The first video really shows how awesome and relaxing Boracay is. The second video showcases a subculture of the Philippines that is widely accepted throughout the country, but is quite disturbing to me.

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What Mike Saw #8: 12/18/06

Just as HUEY LEWIS did with MARTY MCFLY, we’re going “back in time”. We’re going back to a simpler time when it was okay to be passed out drunk in the streets while your friends mock you. Back to a time when it was sanitary to scam on random girls you meet in a crappy bar. Back to a time when sporting a MULLET was okay and you wouldn’t be ridiculed for having one. Fortunately we all had to grow out of that phase of our lives and even though those were great times, we should be glad they’re over.

What Mike Saw #11, which is a more current representation of the times, will be made next week but before we visit the new era, we must take a look back at part of a decade that seems ages ago. For those of you in this, I’m sure that you don’t even remember these particular moments in your lives. But hopefully these memories do come back and hopefully you won’t be too embarrassed by them.

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Gypsy Boy In Athens

I have reservations about helping homeless people. I wasn’t always this way. Back when I used to SKATE, my friends and I would hang out with bums all the time. Not only were we using them for entertainment, homeless people for the most part were pretty neat. A lot of them actually had talents like singing or breaking parking meters so we found them quite useful.

But as I got older driving around town, I notice the same homeless people at the same street corners every day. And every time, I see these “Good Samaritans” offer up some change. One particular time, there was this male prostitute begging for money and then handing it over to this big black dude, who I’m assuming is his pimp.

But I think the final straw for me was seeing this report on beggars on the local news. These guys can make up to $20-40 an hour, depending on the area. No wonder they are lazy! They’re making more than the majority of Americans by just sitting there with a sign with some pathetic look plastered on their face! Screw that. At least collect plastic bottles like the immigrants who risk their lives coming here for an honest wage.

Anyway, while hanging out in Athens with my shorty, we saw this little kid pointing his laser pen into peoples’ eyes. It was pretty funny. But after observing him for a while, it got a little sad.

As he walked around with poo smelling clothes and holy shoes, the novelty of this kid blinding people with his laser quickly wore off. I do see poor people every day living in Los Angeles. I used to live near skin row when downtown was still trying to come up and I saw some crazy things out there. Boning prostitutes in the streets, drug deals in the portables, bum fights over sleeping bags and so on. But witnessing a kid living in this state is pretty depressing. These gypsy kids were born into it.

In this slice of life, you will see this boy pickpocket somebody. It happens really fast so don’t blink. He’s good.

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Mexico City

On my way to Buenos Aires, I had a 5 hour layover in Mexico City (DF). For such a short amount of time there, I was really able to capture the essence of national pride that I feel the US sometimes really lacks. I’m not talking about some piece of shit that flaunts his/her confederate flag and wants to secede from it’s union (i.e RICK PERRY Gov. of Texas). I’m talking about people who take to the streets and in the form of protests, make their elected officials give in to their wants. After all, it’s the people that make up the government. So fuck you, you stupid TEABAGGERS. I swear, you people don’t have a fucking clue. Seriously. “Hands off my medicare”. You fucking serious? You mindless drones are the ones who need to secede and go away forever.

Sure big protests may not work (Iraqi War), but I feel that it canmake a difference. The Aznar administration lost their general election after Spain’s 3/11 attacks due to large protests. The French love to protest, even if sometimes their cause is stupid. And of course violence never gets anybody anywhere. But it’s the message and form of communication that counts most.

So anyway, being in Mexico City hanging out at the ZOCALO, there was this huge gathering of some 1000 people protesting the Honduras coup. It was a sight like none other. The type of shit that gives one chills. It was basically one bus with 3 people on it’s roof speaking from a bullhorn. I regret not understanding what they were saying but I could really feel the passion. I could really feel the sense of community. The only way I knew what they were talking about was because they were waving the Honduran flag. It was fucking awesome. I wanted to get on top of the bus with those people speaking. But my girlfriend got mad since we had a flight to catch. But you will see that footage later when I get home to LA.

The video below was taken back in 2006 when one of my best friends ADAM NELSONand I decided to go to TJ. And I’m not talking about the tacky TJ where underaged San Diegans go to get hammered with hopes of seeing a donkey show. This was where my friend James lived and was unlike the general perception of TJ. We took off work for a day just to go. But somehow we didn’t feel satisfied. We wanted to keep going. We said “screw work. How often do we get to do this?” So we ended up in Mexico City. We didn’t know a soul. We didn’t speak a lick of Español. But it had to be one of the best trips of my life. Everything was improvised. It felt like our MOTORCYCLE DIARIES. I will post more video from that particular trip later because we saw so much awesomeness.

BTW, my girlfriend and I just had a crap load of wine and lagers. So excuse the grammatical errors and the lack of focus in this posting.

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